Grand Motherly Words

Mom introduced me to Maya Angelou's writing. It was essential to my Mother that I was not only literate but cultured in a multitude of ways. To that end, it was imperative to include writers of color, of different nationalities and ethnicities, and also as many women writers as possible.

Tonight, we spent a little time discussing Dr. Angelou and we both agreed that while we may not have absolutely loved every word she put forth, her facility with language and her passion for sharing it was infectious.

Rocked by a variety of vicissitudes, including inhumane violence, she was even temperate and wise. There was an old crone within that spoke eternal truths that resonated and vibrated beauty.

This does not mean she was a square or a stiff, she was very modern in her thinking. She also had a conservative side that dictated part of her demeanor – a Southern thing perhaps. Perhaps it's simpler to say she carried herself with both dignity and gentility.

I just loved to hear her speak. And the thing that always struck me was that, if they'd been given the opportunity to sit, have a cup of coffee and communicate, she and my great grandmother would have had a lovely visit. They'd be friends and neighbors and collaborators.

Having said just this, my Mother smiled and nodded in appreciation. It was perfect! And it brought up Mom's favorite quote:

“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

That blew Mom away because it reminded her of Abuelita (her grandmother). And this is a lesson that she has tried to instill in me as well. Being a Mother, of course, she is always right.

Being more than a little obstinate, I don't always listen because I do have this pathological need to do things the hard way first. It's a competitive thing, it challenges me to overcome. It's not always necessary and it is often unwarranted.

When Oprah had the conversation in which Mom heard this quote, she put it in simpler terms, “...when you are mistreated the first time, when someone shows you lack of integrity or dishonesty the first time, know that this will be followed many many other times, that will some point in life come back to haunt or hurt you. Live your life in truth. Don't pretend to be someone you are not. You will survive anything if you live your life from the point of view of truth.”

People change and some even grow. People sometimes make mistakes. Don't expect apologies or explanations because you are owed nothing, even if it makes for a lovely way to begin a dialogue about it. Forgiveness is divine when you encounter these things. Blah, blah, blah...

People rarely err on the side of compromising their integrity, not at any price. Always remember that.

Mom and I discussed the meaning of these words and what Abuelita had to say about it too. No names were mentioned but it became clear to me that my Mother is that same kind of woman, universal and eternal and wise beyond the mere mortal.

Maya Angelou did not speak until she was six and in all that time her grandmother spoke to her constantly and instilled in her all her wisdom. Not speaking gave her the distinct expertise in doing what most of us do half-assed most days: she listened.

If you really listen, no matter how many years you are separated, the voices of the wise women in your life stay deep within you and inform your path.